Why I Photograph Families: A Tale of Two Grandfathers
This is the tale of two grandfathers I never met.
My mom’s dad was a photographer. He was gone a decade before I was born, and thinking of our non-overlapping lives makes me want to believe in some kind of camera gene he passed down to me.
I wonder if photography for him was a way to witness the world where he could hand over the evidence to others and say, "Here. This is how I see it."
I wish I could ask him.
I know even less about my paternal grandfather. He died when my own dad was an infant, so it's a heavy hole in my family history.
I remember a single photo of him, a portrait with my grandmother on their wedding day. I did some internet sleuthing once and found his military enlistment card that said his eyes were blue. I didn't know that.
Two of my kids have a divot on the bottom edges of their noses, which they got from me, which I got from my dad. Even though it wouldn’t make for a perfect portrait, I wish this wedding picture were angled sharply upward so I could check the bottom of my grandfather’s nose for the same shape.
It's a little melancholy, sharing my impossible desires to geek out about photography with one grandfather and to get a clear nostril shot of the other. These desires sprout from branches of my family tree that are full of question marks, so I can wonder all I want…there still won’t be any answers.
I don't have a way to witness who they were.
That empty space made me understand the value of being a witness and, equally, of being witnessed. It spurred me to fill my life with other forms of witnessing.
For the last eleven years, I've edited a video for my family made of our tiny moments. It's not just for nostalgia but for tracking our journeys: training wheels to mountain biking, a family jam band that doubled in size. These videos show us what our hugs sound like.
There's more. I had at least 110,000 words bubbling up in me about what it means to witness another's life and what happens when there is no witness, so I wrote a magic-sprinkled novel about it. (Still editing!)
And I’m a professional witness with a camera. I witness for all the generations of the families that go in front of my lens.
For the parents, who deserve to see themselves the way I see them: full of goodness that is absolutely good enough (great-enough), even when the day to day of family life feels hard.
For the kids, who will grow up with not just picture perfect holiday cards as evidence of their childhood but hold-in-their-hands reminders of how it felt when their parents danced with them in the kitchen.
And for their kids, who will know that part of their family legacy involves past generations looking so content just to be together on an ordinary morning. Kids who will see with their own eyes the color of their grandfather’s.
It's funny how such a sadness—two late grandfathers, too early for my life—led me to this art & work of witnessing, which is one of my most joyful acts. I witness for myself, for my family, and for other families.
Whoever it’s for, the point is the same: I get to see someone as fully as I can, help them also see it, and tip the scales that they’ll be seen in years to come.
The tiny bits I know and can hold about my family’s past are precious and scarce. What I’m building toward is a future for as many families as I can where the evidence of their time together is sacred and abundant. Where we all get to see reflections of ourselves right now, in whatever form, that one day future generations can look back on and witness, too.
Thanks for witnessing this bit of my story. May you see and be seen in all the ways you need.
The Magic Of is run by Briana DeMarco, a family photographer, videographer, and editor who went professional with her nostalgia.
For families in Palos Verdes, the South Bay, and San Pedro, I come to your home (or your yard or other location you love) for a relaxed, real, capture-the-best-of-your-ordinary-moments family photo session.
For families located anywhere, I take the video clips from your phone and turn them into family heirloom videos.
Whether it’s photos or videos, I’m here to help you slow down, see what’s so magical in the chaos of family life, and give you something your family can look back on for generations.
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